what am i to do?

.
i am so afraid of constant love, so very afraid of having all that my heart desires, so deeply afraid of being happy beyond belief ... what am i to do? ... snuggled inside my comfort zone, happy as a clam, i remain oblivious to all that life has to offer, oblivious to all the good that others can do ... what am i to do? ... i cringe when i get too much praise, wince when i get one kind word too many, recoil in horror when strangers insist on getting close ... what am i to do? ... proud to be skeptical, i feel so very safe when i'm cynical, so very hard to please when caught up in currents by turns pessimistic, fatalistic, nihilistic ... what am i to do? ... why, be grateful, of course ... be grateful for who i am, be grateful for all that i have, be grateful for what i love to do ... be grateful ... sooner, rather than later ... how about now? ... hey ... how about now?
.